Well, I apologize, it has been a LONG time since I've signed on to write anything. It has been a VERY busy 5 months...
Right now, she's sleeping and the last few days have been pretty good. Her parents came over today for a visit and that went well. We went to the mall so she could get her nails done...Then we came home and made our now traditional Sunday Dinner together...Usually, she helps (she's a better cook than me!), but tonight I made steak, baked potatoes, and spinach...not too bad!
How can I sum up the past 5 months? TOUGH!
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Let's see, there was the first "fight" only a week into having her, and there have been more since then. They got so bad, I actually called the cops, because I couldn't have her doing this to me. Most of them started the same. She'd be misbehaving, and I'd say something like, "Go to your room." She'd respond, "You can't make me" or something like that.
The last, which was ironically during Hurricane Sandy (if you're from Jersey, or anywhere on the East coast you know how bad that was), was BAD! Her brother (nephew, my lil' buddy) was here and we were having a decent night, hunkering down before the storm. Well, she got in a funky mood, and he began teasing, her and she became belligerent. I said something like "See, this is what I deal with" (the teenage mood swings). Okay, now I realize it wasn't very 'adult' of me to do, but this girl had been driving me crazy. So then, she started cursing, and I said, "You can't talk like that." To which she responded with more cursing. Then I said, "Go to your room..." She wouldn't, and I said, if you don't go to your room, I'll take you to your room. I proceeded to grab her arm, and she let me have it!
She lunged at me, grabbed my eye and tried to slam my head in the wall, screaming, "I'm gonna' kill you!" It was BAD! I did what I could to get her off me, but she would not let go of my hair (yeah, there was hair pulling), so I asked her brother to call the cops. This was the second call to the police, and though I didn't want to make the call, I didn't know what else to do. Luckily, just as they had the first time, they saw right through her "but she put her HANDS on me!" As a child in the system, she's been told over and over "no one should ever touch you" and she's taken it to an extreme.
The cops asked her what happened and then told it to her straight. There's a difference between your aunt disciplining you and hitting you, they said. If you do this again, we will have to take you away, they said. It was the wake up call she needed. Because for about a month, she'd been attacking me anytime I tried to assert my authority. And somehow, she made me feel bad about it. We'd both end up with bruises and she was sure to tell me her counselor had noticed. I had to break the silence, because she was manipulating the situation. And now, things have gotten better.
By the grace of God, her mentor, her counselor, and yes, even her brother...she's stopped fighting.
Before I got her she was in a shelter, and anytime she gets angry with me she says she'll be just fine in the shelter. It hurts, but I try to let it go...
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Okay, so in addition to the fights there were the pregnancy scares...yes, pregnancy scares, and now the ultimate debate - keeping her on birth control!
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So about three months in, I knew something was up. She was being moody and giving me cryptic comments. She's tough...She won't tell you what's going wrong until you ask 387 questions (okay, maybe a slight exaggeration)...So one night, when I finally asked "have you been having sex?" the answer was yes. And shortly thereafter, she revealed she was scared she was pregnant.
Well, I lost it! Here I was BREAKING myself to help her. Not only had I dropped two classes and moved to a new home, I continued the overall struggle with NO SUPPORT from the child welfare system...It was killing me. And then she wanted to be difficult?
I felt so betrayed that she had had sex. In my house. While I was at school. I couldn't believe she snuck over her boyfriend and essentially lured him into her bed. Yes, he's 16 and she's 14, but he never even kissed a girl until he started going out with her! I was more mad at her than him!
A part of me was wondering whether it even really happened (in my opinion, she's borderline Munchausen, but I'm not a professional). I knew whatever had happened this was a CRY for ATTENTION. I actually called the boyfriend and asked if it was true, if they'd had sex. He confirmed it. And, perhaps the smartest thing he did was dump her. It's sad, because they were cute together, and I thought he was good for her, but she was back to her old ways. She was manipulating this boy telling him she was pregnant, when I knew full well (or at least I thought I knew) she was not pregnant!
To make matters worse, when I took her phone, and actually looked in it...I was horrified! I found a naked, yes NAKED, picture she'd sent. Not only to her now ex-boyfriend (who could easily send it to EVERYONE) but the thirty-year-old scummy neighbor downstairs. That's when I really lost it. What the hell was I going to do with this girl!?!?!
Well, I've kept trying...and we're still here!
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Four pregnancy tests later, it finally started to sink in, but worse, she seemed disappointed. And now, she wants to get off birth control (I'd promised to get her on depo provera, but she just couldn't wait, and had sex before we started her on it!). Her wonderful sister told her it was unhealthy and she should get off it (and had the nerve to get mad at me when I asked her to not to talk with her 14-year-ol-sister-in-my-custody about it). So that's our latest battle. I finally told her, "I can't have you living with me with the chance of you getting pregnant." Which to her meant I was kicking her out. I yi yi, thank GOD we have a counselor!
Well, this Wednesday I'm going to go get my depo shot, and I HOPE (I PRAY to GOD) she'll join me. If not, we've agreed (with her counselor) to come up with a plan for her if she does get pregnant, because I just can't do it...She's tested my love one too many times...And there are some things love can't do (can't make me a successful foster grandma!)...
God help me! But for now, we're doing alright...
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