She is well beyond her years, and so while I want her enjoy every last bit of her childhood, I know she doesn't want me to baby her...She's very sensitive about that!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Day 17 - 07.29.2012
Just found a good site to check out (see the pictures/articles below):
http://mom.me/parenting/2398-20-discipline-mistakes-even-the-best-moms-make/?utm_source=ehow_tomb&utm_medium=2
http://mom.me/parenting/2398-20-discipline-mistakes-even-the-best-moms-make/?utm_source=ehow_tomb&utm_medium=2
I know I've got a lot to learn about being a mom, so I'm open to every source!
After this I did a search for foster parent support, and unfortunately, I didn't find much...
So things are going well. In fact, tonight we are having a sleepover. Her brother and their cousin are sleeping over. They've been good, so I'm giving them their space - this also means I get my bed back for another night!
Since she got here, I've slept on the couch. My mom took her for a night because I had a 24-hour final...so that night I slept in my bed too....Oh, how I miss it!
But when we find a place to live, she will be getting her own bed....another step toward normalcy...
Day 15 - 07.27.2012 - Another day off (to take finals!)....
Here goes nothing! My mom is taking her for the day so that I can take my final. It's a 24 hour one, and that's a killer!
Day 14 - Thursday, 07.26.2012 - another beach day??
If we're not house hunting, and the sun comes out, we will go the beach again :) Hopefully, this time a beach day!
Day 11 - 07.23.2012 - lazy day Monday!
I was up til 8am writing my paper so I slept in, and luckily, so did she!
Then we spent a few hours with a Gossip Girl Marathon (thanks Netflix!)...
Then shopping - we got new dresses for an Open House at a school this week!
Then we spent a few hours with a Gossip Girl Marathon (thanks Netflix!)...
Then shopping - we got new dresses for an Open House at a school this week!
Day 10 - 07.22.2012 - Baby Birthday Party and up all night studying!
I was so proud of her - she finished her first book (A Girl on the Edge) as I finished my paper....
She was so patient as we sat in the law school...
She was so patient as we sat in the law school...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Day 5 - 07.17.2012
Finally, she got a chance to get away from me. After yesterday, it was apparent that is what she needed. She has a really great mentor who she actually relates to. This woman, Sarah, is a godsend, because Abby doesn't trust anyone (barely even me).
We had spent the entire night before at the hospital with our dying grandfather, so we both slept most of the day. But, when it was time to go with her mentor, Abby was ready and willing. Sarah met us outside, and we chatted as Abby joined her fellow mentees in the car.
This time is good for me too. For today, I just rested, but it will become a good time for me to get some homework done or just ME time!
After her visit with her mentor, we went to the hospital again to see our grandfather. I'm heartbroken to see him, but Abby has developed such a tough skin that, while she shows some sadness, she is otherwise detached. She is a really good sport to come to the hospital with me, though.
Later my dad arrived with my grandmother and nephew (Abby's brother). I ran to my dad and hugged him as I wept. My father and I don't have a close relationship (it's been marred by years of drama), but I know he and I are both hurting, because we love this man (his father) so much.
Then, I gave my nephew, Johnny, a hug. He was surprisingly pleasant. He had been so worried, but once he saw our grandfather he had a peace of mind. He gave me a candle he bought me on vacation and smiled as I hugged him. He, like Abby, has seen a lot, and he is very strong!
Things went okay, and then my dad walked out with me and the kids. We got Johnny's stuff out of my dad's car, and then my dad and I talked while the kids sat in the car. He asked me if I was okay, because of my recent undertaking. I reassured him that yes, I am fine. It's challenging, but we're good, I said.
I told him I knew everyone was doubting me on this new venture, but that I had to do it. I can't give up on her, I said. I reminded him of the time I worked a summer job in the "inner city" with teenagers. He told me I couldn't go, I rebelled and worked there, and it turned out great. I made a difference, and he actually acknowledged it. But tonight, he denied ever saying I couldn't go. I guess his memory has faded, since he was wrong then. But I think this time he'll be a little more gracious about being wrong. I told him I will need help, and I will need people to help me when I ask.
The kids were getting antsy and so we cut the conversation short. In essence, though, he told me he didn't want me to ruin my life. I told him I won't. It will be hard, but I'm not ruining my life. I'm trying help my niece save hers.
After this, the kids and I headed to McDonald's. We were having fun catching up and my nephew revealed some very telling information about his vacation. He confronted his grandfather (my dad) who has been an absentee grandparent. And it seemed to go well. I laughed and told him, "you're a mini-me!" Because I was always the kid confronting the issues, and no one would ever listen to me. But good for him! I'm so proud that he found a way to confront the issues and still keep everyone's attention.
After this, we drove my nephew to Grandma's house, because he agreed to spend the night with her. We came inside, as we usually do, and went straight to the kitchen for a snack. Things were going fine, and then Abby and Johnny again got a little antsy. I heard her say "Faggot," and I immediately said in my stern voice "Abby!" She knew what it meant. I don't allow profanity (or otherwise offensive words), and I told her I would charge her 50 cents each time she used a word.
She immediately went on the defense and said something like "I don't care" and she said it again! Defiant little one, isn't she? I said "Okay, now you're down to $12.00," referring to her allowance. Since she is 13, I promised to give her 13 dollar each week, with the understanding that there would be deductions for unfinished chores or behavior issues. She retorted with "You're stupid!" and ran upstairs. I said, "well, now you're down to $11.00." Not sure if she heard me as she huffed and puffed away.
When she came downstairs, she started yelling her brother. It seems she is self-conscious about the relationship we have (he calls it "Nutty buddy"). In the years she stopped seeing me, she missed out. He went through his bratty stage (at her age, I recall), and then matured into a young man who respects me. Because of this respect, we can have more fun. She is going to have to go through the motions to earn a mutual respect for me, and I can understand if that is threatening.
So she yelled something and him, and then ran out of the room again. And then, we heard the door slam. She is "high risk" for running away (even if only according to my fears), but I know she only grows more angry when I chase after her. So I let her brother do it. I said, "Go after her" because I knew she wouldn't run away from him.
I gave it a few minutes, and then I decided to go outside. I heard them still arguing, and I interrupted with "Okay, it's late. We're going home." Abby responded by going to the car, while Johnny gloated, just a little.
I asked him what he said to her, and he said he reminded her that "Aunt Amy gave everything up for you...You better not do this (cause trouble)." I told him she knew this, and she's probably heard it enough. And she has. I have to fight not to say something myself, but I think enough people have told her this. She needs to hear from me that I love her, despite the teen angst and tantrums.
So we went home, almost not saying a word. I sang along to the radio and when it started to fade out, I asked her, "Do you know where the iPod cord is?" She has been taking on the role of DJ when we get in the car. I think it gives her a sense of control (because she controls the songs) and contentment, because she is listening to songs she likes. Of course, it's good for me too, because I've selected all the songs.
I continued singing, knowing it might annoy her, but she kept quiet. We went upstairs, and I asked what time she needed to wake up tomorrow. Then she got a shower. When she came out, she surprised me. She sat out in the living room (my temporary bedroom). I thought the last place she wanted to be was near me, but it felt like somehow she did want to be around. I was working on homework.
Then, she sat at the dining room table (where I was set up with my laptop and book), and she started writing in her planner. Then she began writing in her journal. I found it odd that she was sitting there, with me, and doing things I'd want her to do (productive things). I tried to keep quiet, so as not to bug her, and I kept to myself and my homework. I wasn't sure if she was wanting my attention. But, I figured I'd let her lead the way if she wanted to talk.
Then she started playing cards (cards that I had bought her). I looked over and said "Solitaire?" "Yeah, but not the usual way," she said. She always does things differently (a lot like me).
I kept working and eventually she headed toward her room (what used to be my bedroom). She said "Goodnight" in as short a voice as she could, and I responded. "Good night." "I love you." "Sleep well." and that was that. She went to bed.
Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day (and it will be )
Finally, she got a chance to get away from me. After yesterday, it was apparent that is what she needed. She has a really great mentor who she actually relates to. This woman, Sarah, is a godsend, because Abby doesn't trust anyone (barely even me).
We had spent the entire night before at the hospital with our dying grandfather, so we both slept most of the day. But, when it was time to go with her mentor, Abby was ready and willing. Sarah met us outside, and we chatted as Abby joined her fellow mentees in the car.
This time is good for me too. For today, I just rested, but it will become a good time for me to get some homework done or just ME time!
After her visit with her mentor, we went to the hospital again to see our grandfather. I'm heartbroken to see him, but Abby has developed such a tough skin that, while she shows some sadness, she is otherwise detached. She is a really good sport to come to the hospital with me, though.
Later my dad arrived with my grandmother and nephew (Abby's brother). I ran to my dad and hugged him as I wept. My father and I don't have a close relationship (it's been marred by years of drama), but I know he and I are both hurting, because we love this man (his father) so much.
Then, I gave my nephew, Johnny, a hug. He was surprisingly pleasant. He had been so worried, but once he saw our grandfather he had a peace of mind. He gave me a candle he bought me on vacation and smiled as I hugged him. He, like Abby, has seen a lot, and he is very strong!
Things went okay, and then my dad walked out with me and the kids. We got Johnny's stuff out of my dad's car, and then my dad and I talked while the kids sat in the car. He asked me if I was okay, because of my recent undertaking. I reassured him that yes, I am fine. It's challenging, but we're good, I said.
I told him I knew everyone was doubting me on this new venture, but that I had to do it. I can't give up on her, I said. I reminded him of the time I worked a summer job in the "inner city" with teenagers. He told me I couldn't go, I rebelled and worked there, and it turned out great. I made a difference, and he actually acknowledged it. But tonight, he denied ever saying I couldn't go. I guess his memory has faded, since he was wrong then. But I think this time he'll be a little more gracious about being wrong. I told him I will need help, and I will need people to help me when I ask.
The kids were getting antsy and so we cut the conversation short. In essence, though, he told me he didn't want me to ruin my life. I told him I won't. It will be hard, but I'm not ruining my life. I'm trying help my niece save hers.
After this, the kids and I headed to McDonald's. We were having fun catching up and my nephew revealed some very telling information about his vacation. He confronted his grandfather (my dad) who has been an absentee grandparent. And it seemed to go well. I laughed and told him, "you're a mini-me!" Because I was always the kid confronting the issues, and no one would ever listen to me. But good for him! I'm so proud that he found a way to confront the issues and still keep everyone's attention.
After this, we drove my nephew to Grandma's house, because he agreed to spend the night with her. We came inside, as we usually do, and went straight to the kitchen for a snack. Things were going fine, and then Abby and Johnny again got a little antsy. I heard her say "Faggot," and I immediately said in my stern voice "Abby!" She knew what it meant. I don't allow profanity (or otherwise offensive words), and I told her I would charge her 50 cents each time she used a word.
She immediately went on the defense and said something like "I don't care" and she said it again! Defiant little one, isn't she? I said "Okay, now you're down to $12.00," referring to her allowance. Since she is 13, I promised to give her 13 dollar each week, with the understanding that there would be deductions for unfinished chores or behavior issues. She retorted with "You're stupid!" and ran upstairs. I said, "well, now you're down to $11.00." Not sure if she heard me as she huffed and puffed away.
When she came downstairs, she started yelling her brother. It seems she is self-conscious about the relationship we have (he calls it "Nutty buddy"). In the years she stopped seeing me, she missed out. He went through his bratty stage (at her age, I recall), and then matured into a young man who respects me. Because of this respect, we can have more fun. She is going to have to go through the motions to earn a mutual respect for me, and I can understand if that is threatening.
So she yelled something and him, and then ran out of the room again. And then, we heard the door slam. She is "high risk" for running away (even if only according to my fears), but I know she only grows more angry when I chase after her. So I let her brother do it. I said, "Go after her" because I knew she wouldn't run away from him.
I gave it a few minutes, and then I decided to go outside. I heard them still arguing, and I interrupted with "Okay, it's late. We're going home." Abby responded by going to the car, while Johnny gloated, just a little.
I asked him what he said to her, and he said he reminded her that "Aunt Amy gave everything up for you...You better not do this (cause trouble)." I told him she knew this, and she's probably heard it enough. And she has. I have to fight not to say something myself, but I think enough people have told her this. She needs to hear from me that I love her, despite the teen angst and tantrums.
So we went home, almost not saying a word. I sang along to the radio and when it started to fade out, I asked her, "Do you know where the iPod cord is?" She has been taking on the role of DJ when we get in the car. I think it gives her a sense of control (because she controls the songs) and contentment, because she is listening to songs she likes. Of course, it's good for me too, because I've selected all the songs.
I continued singing, knowing it might annoy her, but she kept quiet. We went upstairs, and I asked what time she needed to wake up tomorrow. Then she got a shower. When she came out, she surprised me. She sat out in the living room (my temporary bedroom). I thought the last place she wanted to be was near me, but it felt like somehow she did want to be around. I was working on homework.
Then, she sat at the dining room table (where I was set up with my laptop and book), and she started writing in her planner. Then she began writing in her journal. I found it odd that she was sitting there, with me, and doing things I'd want her to do (productive things). I tried to keep quiet, so as not to bug her, and I kept to myself and my homework. I wasn't sure if she was wanting my attention. But, I figured I'd let her lead the way if she wanted to talk.
Then she started playing cards (cards that I had bought her). I looked over and said "Solitaire?" "Yeah, but not the usual way," she said. She always does things differently (a lot like me).
I kept working and eventually she headed toward her room (what used to be my bedroom). She said "Goodnight" in as short a voice as she could, and I responded. "Good night." "I love you." "Sleep well." and that was that. She went to bed.
Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day (and it will be )
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